Yes ladies, it's true, you too can have a Biblically prescribed abortion, depending on the version of the Bible you have (as with all things). The Lord told Moses exactly how this is supposed to work. Here's how:
Basically, first you have to get married or this won't work. Then, sleep with another man. Then have your husband take you to the priest, along with some barley and oil and other random offerings. Now, have the priest give you "bitter water" that brings a "curse" into your body, causing your abdomen to swell and your womb to miscarry! Bam, done. Now you will barren forever, but whatevs.